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AND I SAY UNTO YE, "OUT, VILE DEMONS!"
So, I just took the stitches out. And I don't mean, "Went to the doctor to have the stitches out," or "let my ex-nurse mother take the stitches out," I mean I got a tiny pair of scissors and two sets of tweezers, sterilized them, cut the knots, and pulled the threads out myself.
Before anybody goes "WHY WOULD YOU PERFORM AN OUTPATIENT SURGERY ON YOURSELF?" I am just going to say that I cleared it with my doctor this morning, and outpatient surgeries are expensive, and my insurance doesn't start coverage until August.
Before anybody goes "WHY WOULD YOU PERFORM AN OUTPATIENT SURGERY ON YOURSELF?" I am just going to say that I cleared it with my doctor this morning, and outpatient surgeries are expensive, and my insurance doesn't start coverage until August.

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But, you know, I'm strange, so don't mind me.
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There's really very little harm in removing them yourselves. I'd suggest spraying the stitches with chloroseptic throt spray (it's 10% lidocaine), sterilizing your scissors and tweezers, and pulling very quickly but very carefully. He might bleed a very little from pulling them out, but that's from leaving them in too long.
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Thanks for the advice! If he doesn't get it taken care of by tonight, looks like I get to play the role of doctor.